I'm a Go-Karting newbie, and this place was seriously intimidating at first! I mean, there was a class, and helmets and neck braces and body suits, and mean looking dudes walking around. The little cars were fast, and everyone was skidding around looking like bad asses.

So, naturally, I grabbed the only pink helmet I could find and started pretending I was walking on the moon. KKKKSHHHHH Houston... KSHHHHH we're ready to race.

We picked some racing names and started talking shirt. Mine was "Easy Street." Because I'm super gay. It should have been STEEL or LYON or MNSTR, but I'm gay.

We had four races. The first one I was just getting warmed up. Apparently no matter how fast you take the turns.. you will not flip the car. This is news to me. So the second one, I actually beat someone. By the third and the fourth, there were like 14 people on the race track and that's when it gets really fun. I can totally see how people get addicted to the speed and adrenaline. I became one of those skidding, crazy bad asses, passing people, chewing gum, taking names. Hey, screw you fat guy with a gold watching trying to run me into the dividers. You just got passed by a girl. Punk.